Are you “too sensitive”?
Does this sound familiar?
“Your problem is just that you are too sensitive.”
“Grow a thicker skin.”
If so, you may be an “orchid.”
Everyone is born “wired” a certain way. We all fall somewhere on a spectrum of how sensitively we are wired. There is no “right” or “wrong” way to be—it’s just how we are.
The thing is, there is NOTHING WRONG with being sensitive. In fact, there is NO SUCH THING as TOO sensitive.
On one end of the spectrum are “dandelions”—children who can thrive in a variety of environments. Give these “dandelions” a bit of sun and a bit of rain and they can grow in cracks in the sidewalk into sturdy, hardy plants.
The estimated 15-20% of us who are orchids, however (and I include myself in that group), have very different needs. In order to survive, let alone thrive, orchids need very specific environments—the right temperature, humidity, light, etc., or they just won’t make it. But if they get what they need—WOW!—what an amazing flower!
How does this translate to orchid children? These sensitively wired children need to grow up in a safe environment that VALIDATES that sensitivity.
So what is an INVALIDATING environment?
It can be as benign as a poor fit between parent and child, or perhaps too many kids and not enough time and energy to attend to the orchid’s needs. Or it can take the form of abuse, neglect, alcoholism/addiction in the home, or in a myriad of other ways. The orchid hears that they are a “crybaby” or “too sensitive,” and they learn not to trust their emotions and even their sense of reality. In the worst situations, this can turn into a full-blown disorder of emotion dysregulation with severe impact on relationships, behaviors, and one’s entire sense of self.
But it’s not the sensitivity that’s the problem; it’s the invalidation.
The beauty of being an orchid is that, given the right environment, we can experience life with deep sensitivity and richness.
It can also mean more creativity, a richer sense of the beauty of life, and greater depth in relationships.
Even if you didn’t get what you needed as a child, I can help you learn as an adult to validate and treasure your own sensitivity and to turn this quality into an asset.
Speaking as a fellow orchid, I can tell you that we will always feel more intensely than the dandelions of the world and yes, that can mean more pain. But it can also mean a hell of a lot more creativity and beauty.
You are NOT too sensitive. You are your own, unique, beautiful orchid.